Life has been pretty interesting lately as there are several new things on the horizon. I’m planning my wedding, thinking about starting a family, and deciding on long term goals for my business. As someone who likes to keep two firm hands on the helm of most things orbiting my life (a nice way to say I’m a control freak), it’s opened a new space in my mind of things to think (and worry) about, as I don’t necessarily know what my life will look like in a few years. Will I be a good Mom? Will changing my name feel weird? What changes will my business have to make to create space for a family?
As my mind was a-buzzin’ as per the usual last week, I started noticing the same idea coming up around me, from vastly different sources, over and over. This was happening on a large enough scale that it felt strangely synchronistic and was hard to ignore. Whether it was subliminal, coincidence, or some kind of divine guidance, when these things start happening, I tend to sit up and listen.
The recurring theme?
Mindfulness.
It started with a dream I had recently about several people in a grocery line trying to give me advice. They seemed nice enough and were trying to help me, but I was far too stressed and focused on getting home to eat my Doritos to listen to them. I woke up puzzled. Was I too stressed in life to listen to those who are trying to help me? Perhaps even to listen to myself? Later that week it seemed like several people I follow on social media were talking about creating space, slowing down, and trusting our reality as it comes. Next an audio book I’m listening to shifted unexpectedly from a simple autobiography to how one man’s life was vastly changed by meditation, silent retreats and learning how to stay present. This repetition continued for over a week. As this seemingly eerie alignment grew, I started to wonder if the universe was trying to tell me something.
I usually have a million things on my mind, a long task list, and I tend to do said tasks rather briskly. But one day after one more nudge and a pang of anxiety I decided to give this whole mindfulness thing a go. I stopped what I was doing, sat down, and tried to focus on my breathe for 5 minutes. My mind wandered a fair amount, but according to this book I’m listening to, that’s ok. You’re supposed to forgive yourself, and shift your focus back to your breathe. Or, if your mind keeps throwing the same incessant thoughts at you, just be with those thoughts. Sit with them without judgement. As I sat, I felt this deep calm come over me, my heart rate slowed, and when 5 minutes was up I was far less frazzled by my thoughts. I didn’t have any miraculous epiphanies, and I’m still experiencing anxiety at times, but in continuing this daily mental break I’m starting to bring this calm breath with me into my other tasks for the day. Life is starting to slow down.
Now I wonder: have I been approaching life too aggressively? Blindly even? If I’m always fighting with myself, rushing onto the next thing, or fixating on things that happened in my past, how can I be present? Maybe mindfulness - literally just being aware of my thoughts and being present for them - could vastly change my life. After slowing down the last few days, I’m feeling more open minded about my future, and better equipped to deal with what’s ahead.
Ok universe, I’m in.
Who’s got mindfulness/meditation tips, stories, YYC groups, suggestions, podcasts, books, gurus, etc.? Post them below!
